Monday, February 28

My Miracle Cherub

I sat on the edge of my hospital bed holding my new baby in my arms. After 5 days of labor, & 2-1/2 hours of pushing, vacuum extraction, green fluid, & a traumatic birth; He was finally here. I remember thinking about how small he was in comparison to me as an adult. He was no small baby, he was 9 pounds 6 ounces, & he was 22 & 3-quarter inches long. He was my Nathan Angel (God has given Angel) I spent the next 2 weeks nursing, changing, & simply loving him.
The day of his appointment at Children’s hospital had arrived. I was nervous, because I knew these appointments all too well, they meant being held down while a doctor pried your eyes open, shined a light in them, & that was if you were lucky enough not to need dilation. My new baby, my sweet son would have to endure what I had felt many times before. Can’t I just take his place this time? No, he had to be checked for bilateral retinal blastoma (cancer tumors of the retina (. These are the same tumors that took 2 of my grandmother’s babies, my dad’s right eye, & both of mine.

So there we waited, in came the doctor, & I held my baby & my breath. Just as I had anticipated, he was strapped down, his eyes were checked, & he cried. So did I. But not as much as I would a moment later when the doctor who had treated me 15 years before proceeded to inform me that my son did in fact have the very same tumors.

I was crushed. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach. He was so small, so innocent, and so sweet; & I was so sad. Would I lose my baby? No! We’re going to fight this. I held him, I cried, & tried so hard & so unsuccessfully to figure out what in the world I was going to do. I had so many questions & felt like nobody could possibly answer them all.

He had examinations under anesthesia several times over the next 4 weeks during which he received cryogenic treatments & laser heat treatments that killed some tumors but not all. It was decided that Nathan would need chemotherapy. At 5 weeks his pick line (a longer term version of an IV) was placed in his leg just _after waking from his examination that week. I took him home & tried to prepare myself, my baby & my family for what was to come. But I had no clue what to expect so really all I did was sit at home care for my baby & wait for the next step.

It was 2days later that we returned to the emergency room because Nathan being the now 5-week-old baby that he was kicked his pick line out of his leg. But we didn’t go home with a band-aid as I had hoped. Nathan had a blood infection & we were sent to the 4th floor & put in isolation for the next few days. Once his infection was gone, his doctor recommended a broviac line (a line placed just over the heart for the distribution of medication) be put in so he could begin chemo. Surgery was done after 14 hours of waiting for a space in the operating room. & The following Thursday he began his regimen. Nathan was now 6 weeks old & already so much had happened.

Every week we were at the hospital for 1 reason after another; infections, transfusions, examinations, infusions, & of course chemo treatments. Nathan was 3 treatments in to his therapy when he had a severe allergic reaction to 1 of the 3-chemo drugs he was taking. His heart rate was sky high, his body was almost twice its size, & he was a bright tomato red in color. I only know that his color changed because several nurses told me. I was so scared & so bewildered. Eventually that drug was stopped & he stayed on 2 of the 3 drugs for the remainder of his treatment. 6 months, of chemo, lasers, cryogenic treatments, & countless examinations under anesthesia Nathan was diagnosed with a retinal detachment. He had a clearal buckle (a band that squeezes the eye together so the retina can heal) put in his eye, 3 months later, that buckle snapped & was poking a hole in his eye socket. It was removed & at almost 3 years old he was finally in remission. In all, Nathan had had over 64 surgeries including his examinations, corrections, eye injections, & much more. We patched, we worked, & we did what we could for his vision but doctors could not tell how much vision he had. We would just have to wait for Nathan to grow up enough so he could tell us himself.

Nathan is now 9 ears old; He is growing up to be a wonderful young man. & I thank God everyday for that. We found out recently that the tumors took the center vision in his right eye, leaving him with nothing but perifferal & only about 6 inches of vision in that eye. & That his left eye has nothing but center vision, even though it’s his stronger eye. So he wears glasses both for correction & protection, but I am just glad he’s here. It’s been 6 years since his treatments. & This is the 1st time I am able to sit & write all of this out. It’s been too long, but until now I could not bring myself to revisit those years. It was so hard, but we prayed, & God saw us through. Nathan truly is a blessing as are all of my 3 cherubs, but I know that he is my miracle, God’s gift, & I love that lil boy.

If you take nothing else from my writing, please take my story with you & love love love your babies. I’m blessed to have mine, but there are so many others who don’t & I just pray that we don’t take our cherubs for granted. I know they try our patience, they test our strength, they simply make us crazy at times, but we even in those moments – especially in those moments, need to show them that we love those babies.

If you have a story you’d like to share with me please share. I’d be honored to have you guest post on my blog. I’m here sharing my stories with everyone in hopes that I can encourage someone.

God bless & as always, make it a great day!

Saturday, February 26

On The Move

The day I had waited for had finally arived! After 4 long years of hoping, praying, & frustration; it was our time to leave the 5bedroom house we'd shared with my inlaws. We paid the downpayment, 1st year's taxes, & staid in 2bedrooms & a bathroom. We fought, argued, & even shared a few laughs. But now it's over. I don't have to answer to anyone but God, my hubby, & my kiddos. I don't have to explain what I'm doing or why. I can have things the way I want them.

One of the many things that made living with my MIL next to impossible for me was the fact that I could not make her understand that I needed things to be set in 1 place & left there. I don't mind sharing but I want to find what I need when I need it. My frustration was almost unbarable at times, but God never gives us more than we can handle. He had many lessons for me & he put me in the house with someone who could teach me whether I liked it or not. I hope I was able to teach her something that would benefit her too.

I never realized that in my anticipation of our upcoming move. I had purchased many a dish, saved every box we ever got in the mail, & crammed my computer full of recipes, tips, & resources to use whenever that day came. Truth is, I'm glad I did.

We've been in our 2bedroom apartment for 1 week & a half now. & I'm sooo happy. I cook, clean, & do what I need to do much better than I did before. I had time to learn, grow, & adapt.

God knows why he does what he does. I may have lost all the money I had, but I gained priceless experience that has made me a better person, wife, daughter, mommy, & even though I didn't understand it then, I look back & see what God wanted of me. I've learned so much from all the bad experiences. I don't ever want to be in a situation like that again. But I can certainly be grateful for what I have now. I praid, ranted, raved, cried, then I put it in God's hands. I'm not going to say that I didn't take it back, cause I'd be lying through my teeth. I did that several times. But ultimately I gave it back to Him when I was done.

I am blessed to have my sweet yet simple apartment, with my sweet yet simple furnature, & my many baking dishes. lol But over all God has blessed the PinedaFamily5 with a place that meets our needs, & wants, but is perfectly sized for us. My God knows me, He knows my thoughts & Prayers, & He has blessed us in so many ways.

I think that sometimes we have to be broken down & rebuilt from the ground up. That is exactly what this experience was for me. I was broken & rebuilt, some old parts, some new parts, & a few gaps for filling in later. it wasn't easy, it wasn't pretty, & it wasn't my way; it was however God's hand that lead me to where I am & it will be God's hand that guides me to where I need to go. So as I've said before,
"experience is the best teacher, even if it means making mistakes."
& as long as I have God on my side, _ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Bad days are for learning, good days are for enjoying, & no day is a waste because they all come together to make us who we are.

That's my latest testemony, & I hope that it helps you in some way. If you are in a situation you aren't happy with, try as much as possible to take in all there is to learn from it, & always keep your faith. We may not be ready for what God has in store for us yet, but  when He's ready, & only when He's ready We will see what that is.

I wish you happiness, joy, & strength in the Lord.

Make it a great day!

You Are My Son Shine

Mom, you’re making me funny! He says as he laughs at the joke I read off the kid’s site we’re looking at.
I smile & pat him on the shoulder, “Jojo I’m making you laugh?”
He looks at me but the whole moment is spoiled. “I was saying that!” he says now frustrated with me.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have 2 sons. One of them is vision impaired & the other has an auditory processing disorder accompanied by a language delay. My 8 year old speaks the way a 3-year-old should. There are so many different ways he says the same thing, yet he can quote a movie word for word seeing it only once. He can recall things from years ago but can’t remember what I asked him to do 5 minutes ago. He has taught me so much about life, learning, & above all patience.
I always knew Jojo was a little different, even though he was always getting in to things, always curious, but I didn’t begin to understand until he had turned 3 & wasn’t speaking but a few words. I talked, read, sang, & played with him everyday. But his brother excelled & was (still is) advanced for his age. Jojo on the other hand couldn’t grasp audio concepts, like picking out sounds from a set, hearing his name when the TV was on, or even following directions in a series. He still can’t do most of these things. I’ve tried many techniques & found some that work for us, and, some that don’t. But isn’t that what parenting is, trial & error until you find something that works for your family?
It took me a long time to even begin to understand what Jojo & I were dealing with. I’ve had no medical, therapeutic, or other intervention other than a school district evaluation when he was 4 that was a complete waste of our time & theirs since all they cared about was that he had a set of words he used as aposed to pointing & grunting, & that he could pick out colors when prompted; & another screening when he was about 5 years old that lead us to a SLP (speech & Language Pathologist) who had nothing on her mind other than insurance money. So needless to say those got us nowhere. So, I put him in school as planned & found out fairly quickly that _that was not going to work.
All through his kindergarten year & half way through his 1st grade he struggled with simple reading & mathematic concepts, behavior, & just about everything else. I was called in to the school office & parent teacher meetings several times through out the year. His teacher was an unfriendly “lady” who would call to yell at me over the phone on several occasions, & she saw it fit to make him eat his lunch in the nurse’s office, “as a precautionary measure to prevent him from getting in trouble”. I spoke to many a supervisor, including a YMCA supervisor to deal with a director of the afterschool program who didn’t particularly care for my son, & was determined to kick him out of “her” program. This particular director was so mean to him that he would wake in the middle of the night with nightmares crying:
“I don’t have any puzzle pieces! I don’t have them see? Look my hands are empty!”
My heart ached for him & since I was working at the time & I saw no way to fix this problem. I went to prayer & asked God to guide me through this. Soon after that, I started hearing, reading, & just about tripping over information on home schooling. It seemed that everywhere I went someone or something was talking about home schooling. Even at work. Shortly after my plea for help, I was booking a reservation for a lady who was telling me that she homeschooled her daughters, & that because they had annual passes to the local amusement park they would go every Monday to learn from the drawing academy there.

So I looked up, & said aloud, “Ok Lord, I can take a hint.”
The following week, I spent gathering information, planning, & then I quit my Job. I walked in the request for my children’s school records & handed it to the principal myself. I wasn’t about to let anyone mistreat my baby anymore. Once I started working with him at home, I realized that in the year and a half that the school had to teach him, they taught him nothing. He had the same knolege he started with & that’s where our home school journey began.
I tripped & fell; I slipped & slid, but Thankfully the meltdowns have stopped, & Almost 3 years later we’re finding our way to _our education. I may know how to read & right, but I’m finding that I still have much to learn, & Thanks to my babies, I will continue to learn for them, but most importantly with them.

I’m now developmentally dealing with a 9/12-year-old, an 8/4-year-old & a typical 5-year-old. They are the 3 cherubs God sent me & I’m determined to raise them right. It’s not easy, I pray a lot & I try to learn all I can from them, but I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned & have even taught some people is that not all learning is done behind a desk, in a book, or in a group setting. I know someday my kids will have to go out in to the real world, so why not start there. I love that we can take our education out of the box & run with it. This is our light & we’re going to let it shine for all to see.
That’s the part of our story we know so far. I’ll add more to it as we grow & change & as God sends us where we need to go. If you have any suggestions, resources, or just ideas that might work, please share them & your stories with me. The reason I’m sharing is to let other’s know I am here & maybe just maybe make a difference in someone’s life.
Take care, God Bless, & make it a Great day!

Saturday, February 19

Just 5 Keys

Comunication Honesty, Prayer, Respect, Trust

These are the 5 keys to any relationship. I did not put them in a numbered list, I have them going across the top of this post in alphabetical order for 1 simple reason; that is because they are not 1 more important than the other. I am not a marriage counselor, a therapist, or a spouce of 20 years. I’ve been married for 5 years & we have our moments; believe me. No marriage is perfect, no marriage is like another. Each person is different in this world & so is each person’s life partner. Soul mates have differences in opinion too.

Let’s take a look at each of these “keys” & see what I mean.

Comunication:

If you & I walk by each other in a shopping mall, you go your way & I go mine. Will you ever know my name, where I come from, or who I am? No.

If you stop me in a grocery market to ask me a question, at least then you’ll know what my voice sounds like.

& If you love me wouldn’t you want to know everything about me?

How do you know what I think or why I’m laughing. ASK ME! Communicate with me & learn about me.

Learn about your spouse, learn her desires, learn his frustrations, learn all you can about them, because the more you know the more you understand, & the more you understand the more you can support, help, deal with what ever curve ball comes your way.

Honesty:

In a relationship, honesty is truly the best policey. Why? Because if you can’t tell the person you love what you hold in your heart, how can you expect them to tell you. Noone likes to be lied to including you & me. Simpley, telling the truth is sometimes not always the easiest rout to take, but if you can’t talk to your spouse you can’t work through difficult times.

Prayer:

Prayer is often overlooked in Christian marriages. “but I pray every day.” I’m not talking about your alone time with God, I’m talking about Praying with your spouse. Since prayer is a time to share with God your deepest concerns, your Requests for His help, & a time to open your heart to Him; a person is likely to feel vonerable. Letting your spouse in & coming in agreement with each other is a truly awesome way to strengthen your marriage. In time of need, or time of rejoice; let your unity be known to God, your spouse, & yourself.

Respect:

Everyone gets frustrated, everyone makes mistakes, & yes at some point or another _everyone looses their temper. Name calling, cursing, yelling, & even hitting can do major damage in a marriage. You’d be surprised to find out how many people go to church, bible in hand, & in their Sunday best; that are in some way abusive. Life has it’s moments, but if we tare each other down how can we call ourselves building anything up. Marriage, family, & parenthood all require R.E.S.P.E.C.T. from everyone involved.

Trust

Trust just like all the others is a two way street. You have to be able to trust but you also have to be trustworthy. Maintaining the other 4 keys in this set of 5 is essential to showing & learning how to trust. Trust that he/she will tell you what’s happening in his/her mind. Trust that you’re being told the truth. Trust that you can both trust in God. Trust that there is enough respect in your relationship to handle your differences. & Trust that your trust is mutual.

While these keys are simple, they are not always easy. But working together, leaning on each other, & making sure you support one another is what makes a marriage. God picked you two to be together & it’s you both against the world outside. Lean on God & each other through thick & thin, & you’ve got a plan for success.

I hope these keys help you as much as they’ve helped DH & I in our marriage. Here’s to your happiness.

Make it a great day!

The Absolutely perfect Marriage

The Absolutely Perfect Marriage



It’s valentine’s day once again. Heart-shaped packages, flowers, juelery, candy, & teddy bears are flying off the store shelves like cupid’s arrows. But here’s something to think about; in 2days time, the candy will be gone, the flowers wilted, & the teddy bear in your youngist child’s toy box. It was fun while it lasted. But what if you had something that really meant something special, what if you had something that never went away, what if?

“OK Annie, Get to the point.”

Ok, so what I’m talking about is Memories/

If you have a spouse (cause this goes both ways) who is not so nice to you except for holidays, these commercial jestures are _MEANINGLESS!

“Are you saying my spouse doesn’t love me?”

Not at all, what I am saying however is; while valentines day is a great opportunity to express love & friendship, there are 364 other days to do the same thing. Marriage, is like a flower, it’s beautiful when it’s new, but if not cared for properly it wilts, & whithers away. SO, let your spouse know how much you love him/her.

“Ok, I get that, but love notes in a lunch pail or written on a mirror don’t work cause we can’t see to read or write them. Oh, & um makeup tips they don’t work either because my spouse can’t see my face.””



Here are a few tips that just might help:

1. Touch. Sighted people rely on just that _sight, touching your spouse whether or not you can see him/her brings you closer together. Hold hands, hug, heck sneak in a kiss once in a while (as you walk through the door for example).

2. If your spouce can’t see to read a note, Braille one and put it on a door knob or a backpac handle where he’s sure to find it,. If she reads what you can’t write then cut out a hart shape & leave it to be found.

3. While colors may not fit the bill, a nice outfit still may do the trick. Ladies, little dresses & some good perfume works for any man. Gents, a nice shirt, some colone, & of course a clean shave; will do quite nicely.

4. Make a favorite meal, complete with candle light, music, & wine/shampaign/sider (soda?). Candles give light, but nowadays scented candles are available everywhere & anywhere & can be a sweet touch.

5. Pray, share, & work together. Work together to cook a meal, clean the house, & complete projects. Share your dreams, likes, fantacies, successes, & failures. Prayer is the best & sometimes the hardest thing to share; being that praying means vonerability & some have a hard time feeling vonerable. Putting God first in your marriage is the first of 5 keys to marriage. (I’ll post those another time)

“Alright, Just who do you think you are tellen me how to run my marriage? Your’s ain’t perfect eithr.”

Nope, my marriage isn’t perfect, noone’s is. But if you work together, you find a place that works for both of you. No 2 marriages are alike, just as no 2 people are either. So take that in to consideration when planning your special dates.

What do you do for your spouse throughout the year to show your love? I’d love to hear your ideas.

Make it a great day!



The Absolutely Perfect Marriage




It’s valentine’s day once again. Heart-shaped packages, flowers, juelery, candy, & teddy bears are flying off the store shelves like cupid’s arrows. But here’s something to think about; in 2days time, the candy will be gone, the flowers wilted, & the teddy bear in your youngist child’s toy box. It was fun while it lasted. But what if you had something that really meant something special, what if you had something that never went away, what if?

“OK Annie, Get to the point.”

Ok, so what I’m talking about is Memories/

If you have a spouse (cause this goes both ways) who is not so nice to you except for holidays, these commercial jestures are _MEANINGLESS!

“Are you saying my spouse doesn’t love me?”

Not at all, what I am saying however is; while valentines day is a great opportunity to express love & friendship, there are 364 other days to do the same thing. Marriage, is like a flower, it’s beautiful when it’s new, but if not cared for properly it wilts, & whithers away. SO, let your spouse know how much you love him/her.

“Ok, I get that, but love notes in a lunch pail or written on a mirror don’t work cause we can’t see to read or write them. Oh, & um makeup tips they don’t work either because my spouse can’t see my face.””



Here are a few tips that just might help:

1. Touch. Sighted people rely on just that _sight, touching your spouse whether or not you can see him/her brings you closer together. Hold hands, hug, heck sneak in a kiss once in a while (as you walk through the door for example).

2. If your spouce can’t see to read a note, Braille one and put it on a door knob or a backpac handle where he’s sure to find it,. If she reads what you can’t write then cut out a hart shape & leave it to be found.

3. While colors may not fit the bill, a nice outfit still may do the trick. Ladies, little dresses & some good perfume works for any man. Gents, a nice shirt, some colone, & of course a clean shave; will do quite nicely.

4. Make a favorite meal, complete with candle light, music, & wine/shampaign/sider (soda?). Candles give light, but nowadays scented candles are available everywhere & anywhere & can be a sweet touch.

5. Pray, share, & work together. Work together to cook a meal, clean the house, & complete projects. Share your dreams, likes, fantacies, successes, & failures. Prayer is the best & sometimes the hardest thing to share; being that praying means vonerability & some have a hard time feeling vonerable. Putting God first in your marriage is the first of 5 keys to marriage. (I’ll post those another time)

“Alright, Just who do you think you are tellen me how to run my marriage? Your’s ain’t perfect either.”

Nope, my marriage isn’t perfect, noone’s is. But if you work together, you find a place that works for both of you. No 2 marriages are alike, just as no 2 people are either. So take that in to consideration when planning your special dates.

What do you do for your spouse throughout the year to show your love? I’d love to hear your ideas.

Make it a great day!